he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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