They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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