she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
