Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
