just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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