come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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