I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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