It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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