it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
