Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
