my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
