I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
