I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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