I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
