We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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