You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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