yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
