either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
