if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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