I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
