once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
