If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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