i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
