We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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