my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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