I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
