oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
