I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
