dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize