what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
