DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
