im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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