Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
