you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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