sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
