you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
