End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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