you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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