Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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