dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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