and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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