dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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