Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
