This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
