Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
