Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
