I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
