Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
