I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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