saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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