What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
