My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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