I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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