Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
