just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
