That's intense
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
