I think I died a long time ago.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize