so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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