Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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