she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
All the doctor said was why
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
