We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
