So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
