Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
