im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
