the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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