i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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