Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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