Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
