I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
