I think I won the penis lottery.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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