You're my little dorito
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
