Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
