Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
