you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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